
Sejian
6
|
Aug 11, 2025
"What the !@#$ did I just watch?"
**SPOILERS AHEAD!**
The first hour and fourteen minutes of this movie is weird, stupid, and a colossal waste of time.
Dean's 1/10 review is understandable.
The first (17) minutes of this movie is damn near unbearable. I assume "Boots" has some historic significance, but all it does is take me out of the movie constantly. Also, the decision to weave in some medieval nonsense and some war footage just made it worse. Had it continued any longer (the medieval nonsense pops up again later, but not the "Boots"), I'd have stopped watching.
From the (17) minute mark onward, until about that hour and fourteen minute point I mentioned, the movie is varying levels of stupidity. It's a whole lot of adults doing stupid !@#$.
There's nothing I dislike more in a movie than supposed competent adult characters doing legitimately stupid !@#$.
Dad is stupid.
Grandpa, or whoever he is, is stupid.
Mom is fine.
Soldier boys are stupid.
Villagers are stupid.
Rage beasts are rage beasts, so they get a pass.
The boy is stupid, but I blame the father for that.
After that hour and fourteen minute point that I mentioned, the movie focuses on the mom, the boy, and the doctor, and this is where the movie shines.
But then it's back to stupid.
"Samson" has a really big d- Is that thing real? How big does it get when... "Samson's" big d*** is probably the best part of the movie! I digress!
The last time we see the doctor, he's being stupid.
Then we meet the "Howzats"!
The "Howzats" are all kinds of stupid, but they're stupid in the fun way. They're the only fun stupid in the movie.
There are two good bits in this movie - one is somewhere in the middle and the other is at the end, and that's the only reason it gets a 6/10. Hey! I made a rhyme!
Also, yes! I have seen "28 Days Later" and "28 Weeks Later".
"28 Days Later" is one of my favorite movies in this genre and "28 Weeks Later" wasn't horrible, but this, this is not those movies.
This feels like "Matrix: Resurrections".
This feels like the director was told a movie was going to happen with or without him, so he made this.
If that ain't what happened, then I don't !@#$ing know, bruh.