Lois is the perfect wife, but she's just discovered that her husband, Paul, is having yet another affair. At the urging of her neighbor, Lois hires a hitman to kill Paul, but the plan goes amok when Lois finds that Paul named his mistress as the beneficiary of his insurance policy.

Dr. Elaine Daniels learns that her ex-husband/coworker, Dr. Arthur Daniels (guest star Alex Rocco) has been dating a much younger woman. To make him jealous, Elaine flaunts a younger man under Arthur's nose. Meanwhile, the Daniels' coworkers make a bet on who will have sex first: the Daniels or the lab rats.

Guest-star Glenda Jackson portrays Dr. Doris Kruber, a talk radio psychiatrist who's taken hostage by Sally Trickleson, a Brooklyn woman who accuses Kruber's book of ruining her life.

Lillian Preskin's daughter arrives at the nursing home and threatens to send her mother off to a home run by nuns if she engages once more in sex with the residents. Their conversation, however, is interrupted by the arrival of a new war veteran... and Lillian has a penchant for veterans.

It's a day in the life of an average American housewife, but for Dorothy Tibbit, it's ""one of those days."" When her garbage disposal conks out, Dorothy attempts to return home in time to meet the plumber but everything goes wrong. There are problems at the dry cleaners, the bank, the grocery store, the bus stop -- it's all enough to drive a housewife really, really mad...

This is two seperate episodes centering on Evelyn Sweets and her ""Chapel of Romance."" In ""Dummy Dearest,"" Evelyn is approached by a woman with a ventriloquist's dummy who pleads with Evelyn to marry them. Evelyn agrees, hoping to get the insane woman out of her chapel, but she soon comes to the realization that the dummy may be alive. In ""Being Out There,"" Evelyn is approached by Chester Neff, who assume's that her ad's tag, ""I'll marry anyone,"" means that she will become his wife.

Roz's college friend Trisha (guest star Betty White) comes to town and announces that she's taken the apartment next door to Roz... but Roz can't stand her. Quickly Roz finds that Trisha's destroying her life and driving her to the brink of madness.

Arlene Harvey and Kate Benton (guest star Bernadette Peters) are best friends and a commercial jingle songwriting team, but jealousy ensues when Kate is offered a record audition at Cosmic Records.

This episode consists of two sketches about teachers. In the first, Carol plays Mrs. Cornfeld, a teacher who's pulled over by a former student during his first day on the job as a policeman. In the next skit, the whole company plays students (using their real first names) in a classroom on their teacher's final day.

Christine Heyward, a respected journalist, arrives to discover that she's the only member of her news team retaining her job. The new head of the show, a game show creator, changes the format and the news becomes a game show with a ""MTV mentality."" Despite intial hesitation, Christine sells out but soon discovers she's been suckered.

The company attempts to put on a ""live show"" centering on an eccentric millionaire who's attempting to murder his wife. Complications ensue when Richard Kind's aunt Wanda (also played by Burnett) thinks that Carol has invited her to perform in the show.

Grace Fitchell is ""the bitch goddess of darkness."" While checking the dryer for a missing sock, she accidentally falls into the Land of Lost Stuff. In order to return home, she must find the last thing that she lost, but during her quest she encounters ghosts of her past that change her future (via Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol).