You'll understand Martin's disturbed look once you find out what staff scientist Perry did with Marty's precious Virtual Sex Machine. Also on tonight's episode, Martin will learn the secret of eternal life from the venerable Alex Chiu and his death-defying rings. Plus, memorable moments in NASA history, singing squirrels, and some crazy fat kid swinging a stick. Don't miss one thrilling moment of our first episode ever!

It's only the second episode and ""Unscrewed"" is already bringing out the barely dressed beach babes. Wait till you see week eight! Also scheduled on tonight's show is a short man with big ideas about a race of beings who live at the center of the Earth, a disturbing voyage into the heart of bizarre Japanese Internet culture, some more singing rodents, and our very first game show with celebrity contestant Gary Coleman.

Rael, spiritual leader of the Raelians, is the byproduct of a romantic tryst between a human woman (mom) and a lusty little green man (dad) from a far-off planet. It's no surprise, then, that Rael chooses to walk around in an all-white jumpsuit and staunchly support human cloning. Anything less would be just plain weird. On tonight's show Martin catches up with ""His Holiness"" Rael as well as some guy who's offering $10,000 for a spouse. Also on the program is a Porn Tip with Judy, the Porn Mom, a visit from Scary Gary, and a rousing round of ""Female or She-Male?"" Get all the appropriate (and inappropriate) links below.

On tonight's oral-theme episode of ""Unscrewed,"" Martin travels through time with a deranged dentist and gets business tips from an online porn queen with a certain undeniable talent. Scroll down for further enlightenment on this evening's scheduled entertainment.

Now we're getting somewhere. Monday's episode of ""Unscrewed"" promises to be the best yet, with not one but two mind-blowing guests who are as sexy as they are strange. First up is Asia Carrera, porn star and geek goddess, who'll school Martin on gaming, gadgets, and the tech that turns her on. Following Asia is none other than Ouchy the Clown, the Web's premier provider of ""adult clown services."" Ouchy will be in-studio equipped with his whip, squeaky horns, and signature leather ""ballkini.""

Major Ed Dames puts the ESP in espionage. For years, Dames worked as a remote viewer for the US government, tracking down enemy targets with the uncanny powers of his subconscious. Martin will put Dames's beautiful mind to the test on tonight's show. Also on the program, Kevin shares another evil ""dark tip,"" Martin goes back to the beach with the Girls Gone Wired, and Judy returns with another helpful Porn Tip. Get ready for the episode that Martin's calling, ""Our filthiest yet.""

No, Gillian Anderson has never starred in an adult film alongside a goat. Those images you downloaded from KaZaA are something we in the industry call ""fake."" On tonight's show we'll talk with Ed Lake, the ""Fake Detective,"" about the best way to separate phony, Photoshopped pics from the real deal. Also on tonight's program, we have a device that gives you one more reason to become a pothead, tips on the best porn prose online, and a blood-soaked Internet game that puts the ""URL"" in hurl. Send the kids to bed, put the pets in the oven, and get ready for yet another history-making episode of ""Unscrewed.""

Of all the television seasons during which the world can end, why does it have to be this one? ""Unscrewed"" is just getting off the ground. Martin just made the final payment on his Vespa. Laura can finally make it all the way to the office without calling three times for directions. And now -- wouldn't you know it? -- Planet X is ready to come crashing down and ruin it all! Watch tonight's show to learn how the unfortunate orbital path of a rogue ""10th planet"" will destroy the Earth and all its inhabitants in the next couple of months. Why haven't we heard about this? Hello! Vast international conspiracy! Also tonight, an interview with the legendary Blackwolf the Dragonmaster, a butt-smelling monkey, and a bunch of other ludicrous crappery. Don't miss it!

Scott Herriott is back. And he's pissed. OK, he's not exactly pissed, but he's sort of grumpy. Grumpy like a fox! Fine, foxes aren't grumpy, but the point is, Scott Herriott of ""Internet Tonight"" fame is joining ""Unscrewed"" as our in-house paranormal specialist, except for the fact that we won't let him in the house. Tonight, don't miss Scott's inaugural ghost-hunting safari to California's spookiest brewery, the Moss Beach Distillery. Plus, the Lizardman, Dr. Michio Kaku, a bunch of people hurting themselves, and the infamous ""Dark Tipper.""

Last summer's blockbuster thriller ""Signs"" made crop circles a household name, though it did little to ease the difficulty pronouncing M. Night Shyamalan. In the movie, the mysterious wheat wonders were created by a race of killer aliens. Tonight's guest, Marshall Masters, says that's a bunch of ""hooey!"" Sure, the crop circles were beamed down by aliens, but peaceful aliens who are trying to send us messages of love and friendship by destroying our food sources. Also on tonight's program: hot women skipping!

Maddox fans, prepare to soil yourselves. The creator of The Best Page in the Universe will be on tonight's show to teach us the ins and outs of being a successful camwhore. Also on the program, Laura tortures her officemates with a novel form of instant messaging, Marty gets proof of life on Mars, and we play the latest new Internet craze: ""The Movie Poster Game.""

Tonight marks the first installment of ""Dear Blog,"" a recurring feature in which Martin poetically recites passages from your random weblogs. Trust us, it's funny. Also on the show, we check in with the muckraking menace-mongers behind The Smoking Gun, answer hate mail, and wrap a Roy Orbison impersonator in plastic wrap. All in a day's work for ""Unscrewed.""

""Unscrewed"" has a kung-fu death grip on the pulse of the American music scene. Our industry insiders tell us that washed-up '80s hair bands are hotter than ever, so we rushed out and booked Poison front man Bret Michaels to come on the show to play our addictive new game, Porn Site or Not a Porn Site? Catch the outrageous action on tonight's show. Also on the program, the Web-savvy stalker behind The First Twins, Martin reads another Dear Blog, and our first installment of Fancy Fetish of the Week featuring a bunch of creepy crackheads dressed like toddlers.

Prepare yourselves for the most outlandish ""Unscrewed"" episode to date. On Tuesday's program, Pastor Jack J. Stahl will attempt to exorcise Martin's many demons (pornography, alcohol, bad hair, etc.) through the transforming power of the music of Tom Jones. Yes, that Tom Jones. Plus, Marty interviews the only man more pathetic than himself, the webmaster behind Zero Sex Life. Then we'll carve some hot dogs. Don't be late.

Hosting a late-night TV show on a channel with instant name recognition like TechTV can be dangerous work. The mobbing fans, the jilted lovers, the five-day pork rind binges to drown the loneliness -- it's all part of the package of being Martin Sargent. That's why Martin doesn't go anywhere without his stunt host, Dave Rubin. Also on the program, the infamous Gene Ray and his remarkable Time Cube; Search Sperts, our brand-new search engine game (played by dueling cam babes); and Laura outs Hollywood celebs who are not only gay, but ""very very gay.""

Tonight, Marty plays matchmaker as he scours the 'Unscrewed' Personals for a suitable mate for the lovely, and inexplicably lonely, Laura Swisher. Plus, the truth about alien implants, a solution for your gaseous ass, and hallucinogenic condiments!

Never before has so much evil been packed into one television program. On Monday's show the ""Dark Tipper,"" Kevin Rose, will unveil his most dangerous tip to date: a free piece of software that can crack any password on any website (even the naughty ones). We'll tell you more on Monday, but start drooling now. Also, let's not forget Monday's special musical guest (for real this time), Extreme Elvis: the nastiest, nakedest, most nauseatingest Elvis impersonator in the world. He's gonna sing, swear, and drop his drawers, whether you like it or not. And just so you know, you won't.

If the execs of ""The Flintstones"" can pat themselves on the back for showing the first married couple sleeping in the same bed, then we deserve some serious props for tonight's show. Martin enters Wifey's World, a site run by a couple who record their action between the sheets and broadcast it for all the world to enjoy. Also on the program, Martin reads another Dear Blog, and Mr. Bling fits the ""Unscrewed"" hosts with a 24-karat smile.

Harold Ivey is our type of old-timer. This 70-plus Southern gentleman spends his days wrapped in handmade, skin-tight, groin-enhancing, leather and rubber clothing. Just like grandpa used to wear. Learn more about Harold and his techniques for masculine mounding on tonight's program. Also on the show, Martin gasps in horror as he learns that ""harmless"" airplane contrails are actually part of a government plot to poison us all! Damn you, chemtrails! Damn you all to hell!

You may want to rewind that garbled message that's on your answering machine. It's possible that it's more than just a bad recording. It could very well be a message from someone beyond the grave trying to make contact. Scott Herriott heads to Reno to investigate the strange happenings. Also, former Interpol assassin, David ""Race"" Bannon joins Martin with tales of his wilder days.

Despite what some of you seem to suggest with your email, phone calls, message board posts, petitions, picket lines, and assassination attempts, ""Unscrewed"" really is a technology show. To prove it, we've stuffed tonight's episode chock-full of hard-core, high-tech hijinks. You want the latest in technology news? We've got renowned conspiracy theorist Jim Marrs with hard proof of an alien invasion that occurred in 1897! You want brilliant scientific breakthroughs? Mark and Lorraine Moore utilized cutting-edge textiles and an interactive website to develop and market their wildly popular bird diaper! We've even got our research and development staff putting this clever contraption through rigorous testing. Because we're responsible journalists. We're legit. Too legit to quit. Plus, we'll show you how to navigate a brilliant new resource known as the information superhighway. Our first stops? High-quality entertainment (Martin's favorite game involving facial hair), inspirational images

A late-night talk show isn't a late-night talk show until somebody eats bugs. On Tuesday's show, ""Unscrewed"" gets its official stamp of approval when both Martin and Laura chomp down on some juicy arthropods with the president of the Bay Area Bug Eating Society (BABES). Also on tonight's show, Judy's most provocative Porn Tip, ""Dark Tipper"" gets desktop revenge, and a monkey drinks its own urine. How's that for family entertainment?

Be afraid. Be very afraid. Tonight, Martin meets his biggest fan, Dave Rich. (We're still trying to verify if this is his only fan.) This guy not only openly stalks Martin but also has a website dedicated to wooing our fearless host -- including love poems and a top 10 list of reasons Martin should become gay. Also on tap tonight, the Dark Tipper shows you how to get some use out of your old computer parts. And porn starlet Christine Allure shows us why she's the most connected gal on the Web.

In order for a late-night show to be deemed ""legitimate,"" it must delve into the strange and inexplicable. Tonight, ""Unscrewed"" earns its wings. Mentalist Banachek will leave you yelling profanities at the screen while shouting ""How in the hell did he do that?"" It's OK. We have no freaking clue either. Prepare yourself for the impossible. Actually, we recommend that you simply sit back, pour an extra glass of beer, and enjoy. You're not smart enough to figure out his tricks. Also on the program, enter the world of Dren (talk about one whacked mutha) and meet our future president, Sara Anderson. Too bad she can't run for office until 2016. We could sure use her help now.

It's a weird, weird world out there. Why, even as I type these lines, aliens are infiltrating the minds of innocent people all around me, immobilizing them, controlling them, even persuading them not to wear protective headgear! Why are they targeting us? What are they planning? What did they do with Mulder's sister? Meanwhile, reasonably intelligent men and women of all ages are sacrificing staggering amounts of time, energy, and personal dignity to continue in their never-ending search for Sasquatch. What compels them to carry on? How does this legend survive, with so little in the way of supporting evidence? Why did ""Harry and the Hendersons"" ever make it to the big screen? Could this be yet another indication of alien influence? Tonight, ""Unscrewed"" takes a good, hard look at these questions, and completely fails to deliver anything in the way of a satisfactory answer. The truth may be out there, but it's not on this show. I don't know about you, but I'm blaming the aliens.

Smoke 'em if you got 'em. But that's not as easy as it sounds. With the laws ever-changing, it's getting harder to light up whenever you damn well please. How is one expected to go bowling or sit in a bar night after night without sucking down a little lung candy? Tonight meet Patrick Carroll. He's leading the fight against the government and for the right to light up when and where we want. How's he doing this? By using the Internet. Also on the show tonight, Laura heads to the Fanime Convention, and Perry the staff scientist demonstrates the latest in sex toy technology. Fortunately for him, no girls are required.

What do you get when you combine two tough and tiny midget wrestlers, one sneaky tip for scoring free Internet access, one red-hot co-host, one singing squirrel, and the always unpredictable Martin Sargent? You get tonight's episode of ""Unscrewed,"" of course. One half-hour of high-impact entertainment for the whole family.

A lot of you ask what Laura does to maintain her terrific body. Besides her normal meal of cigarettes and ice cubes, she exercises. Specifically, in addition to her daily walks from bar to bar, Laura does gymnastics. Well sort of. She has recently become addicted to a new craze known simply as house gymnastics. Tonight, the inventors of this do-it-at-home sport join the show via netcam to talk about their creation. Also on the program, Andrew Goldberg of The Smoking Gun is back with more dirt on celebrities and names in the news. Including Kobe Bryant's mug shot. Plus, a brand-new Girl Gone Wired.

You've seen the poster in Mulder's office, right? The one of the UFO and the caption ""I Want to Believe""? Well, if you're already a believer in aliens, you're going to love tonight's show. And if you're not, after tonight you will be. Ron Regehr is on the show to talk about how the United States is preparing itself for an alien attack. ""Hogwash,"" you say? Did I mention that Ron helped design spy satellites for the US government? I think this fella knows what he's talking about. ""The truth is out there."" Believe us. Or just believe him. Also making sure the truth is out there, Dan Yashar joins us via netcam to talk about a portable lie detector. So the next time you tell someone you're not a virgin, you'd better think twice. Plus, a brand-new Girl Gone Wired and another installment of Dear Blog.

Go to your closet and start digging through your home videos. No, not the ones of your family vacation to see Paul Bunyan and Babe the Blue Ox. I mean the ones you made with your partner and your parents' home video camera when they were at the supermarket. Yes, ""those tapes."" Tonight's guest, Allen McNulty, is going to show you how you can turn your amateur sexcapades into some serious cash. Also on the show, we reveal what may be the most disturbing yet strangely enticing fetish on the Web: The Tattoo Cam. Find out where you can watch people get tattoos and piercings in real time. Plus, new installments of Dear Blog, Fancy Fetish, and Girls Gone Wired.

Remember the good old days of the Internet? When just logging on via your 14.4 modem promised a plethora of crappy animation, urban legends, and chain email messages? When a man named Mahir gained worldwide renown with a simple website and the irresistible catchphrase ""I kiss you""? Tonight, Martin take a nostalgic look back at some of our favorite Web crazes and reminds us all that what appears brilliant today will surely look old and stupid tomorrow. We're also talking to an alien hunter so serious, he has trademarked the title. And we'll tell you how to prepare for the end of the world. Too highbrow for you? Then just tune in to meet our latest Girl Gone Wired. She hosts live chats and a webcam, and her idea of fun is ""staying home and playing on the computer."" ""Unscrewed"": your source for geeky, gorgeous girls.

Remember the scene from ""Poltergeist"" where the clown disappeared from the chair only to end up under the bed? If that clown scared the crap out of you, get ready for the next wave of creepy dolls guaranteed to scare the bejesus out of anyone who owns them. Tonight, Sher Miller joins us via netcam to discuss her twisted creations. Plus, Tom Hymes, editor of AVN.com, talks about porn in all its lustful glory. And get ready for another camwhore face-off in the latest installment of Search Sperts.

Growing up as a kid today has got to be the best thing ever. Beside the advent of TiVo and MP3 players, there are so many nifty gadgets we would have paid top dollar for (or swiped from the shelves -- video surveillance wasn't an issue back then). It would have been great to take an X-ray spray and look inside that brown envelope addressed to Dad. Instead we had to steam it open only to find it was a copy of Field and Stream and not Playboy. Then we'd get busted because we couldn't get the damn thing sealed again. Tonight, Chet Canlas from the San Francisco International Spy Shop joins us to talk about an incredible product that lets you to look into any envelope. Plus, clairvoyant Gary Spivey, who has worked with some of the biggest names in Hollywood, sits in with the gang to talk about his psychic abilities. And in Girls Gone Wired, we take a sneak peek into the world of a brand new dolly.

It isn't often that one feels sorry for Martin, but this is one of those rare times. Just last week, he made a sequin-encrusted sash with ""Mr. #1 Disny (sic) Fan!!"" printed on it. He's been wearing it 24/7, often exclusively. Unfortunately, Martin's love of all things Disney has clearly been outshined by one of tonight's guests. George C. Reiger Jr. joins us via netcam to show off his 1,500 (and counting) Disney tattoos. Reiger calls himself ""Disney's No. 1 Fan,"" and nobody's arguing. Not even Martin. Thankfully, Reiger's undisputed reign atop the world of Disney aficionados has caused Martin to rethink his latest Disney-loving stunt. Namely, contracting spiny elephantitis and having his name legally changed to ""The Human Epcot Center.""

In every long-term intimate relationship there comes a time when the fireworks start to fizzle. You can fake it for a while, you can hope it goes away on its own, or you can turn off the Enigma CD, blow out the candles, grab hold of a mirror, and explain to yourself that Christina Aguilera was on to something. You're a genie in a bottle, baby, and you've got to rub you the right way. Tonight we talk to sexpert Sadie Allison, whose mission in life is to teach women how to give themselves ""big, wet, multiple, heart-pounding, scream-inducing, life-affirming, scrape-you-off-the-ceiling orgasms."" Oh, and she's got a few suggestions for you boys in the audience as well. Also, we're testing an electronic sleeping device for those nights when you have a headache. Plus, more Memoirs of a Radio Hut Guy, and another mouthwatering Girl Gone Wired.

Tonight on ""Unscrewed"" we're talking about dream jobs. No, not Playboy photographer or Jack Daniels taste tester. We're talking fantasy job, the kind you can't believe people get paid for while you're suffering through eight hours of pencil sharpening. We'll introduce you to two guys who are literally laughing all the way to the bank. First, Gigolo Jess charges ladies $300 per hour to enjoy his undivided attention. Then, DiskoDan talks about his thriving online butt-rating business. Rounding out the trio, but sadly lacking the alliterative nickname, we'll take a nice long look at ass-kicking actress Kelly Hu as our featured Girl Gone Wired. Sit back, relax, and prepare to live vicariously.

You know what this world needs more of? Conspiracy theories and hairy women. Lucky for you, we at ""Unscrewed"" are here to help. On tonight's show you can enjoy the musical stylings of Ernie on acid. (Yes, ""that"" Ernie.) You can hear Jim Marrs' theories on who's really running the world, and you can watch the surprisingly hairless Laura Swisher enter her very first beard-growing contest. All this, plus an informative Porn Tip and yet another gorgeous Girl Gone Wired. Now that's entertainment!

On tonight's show we're showing you our very own version of extreme dating. First, we take the socially challenged host of an obscure late-night cable show and drop him off at a comic-book convention. Next, we send in Morgan Webb. Finally, we challenge them to find each other dates. Inevitably, hilarious hijinks ensue! But that's only one of the many reasons to tune in tonight. We're going to watch Martin try to eat fire, challenge a former Girl Gone Wired to play Failure Mode, and play an online game with nekkid women. Don't miss it!

Usually this space would contain a paragraph or two heralding the highlights of tonight's show and encouraging you to tune in. Not today. See, we don't need to convince you to watch tonight. You'll inevitably find yourself drawn to your television as the ""Unscrewed"" hour approaches. You will reach for the dial. You will watch. You can't help it. Know why? Because you are under psychic attack! We're remotely influencing you even as you read these lines! And here's the best part. If you want to know how to defend yourself (or how to remotely influence others), you're going to have to watch the show! Not that you need convincing, but we're also going to interview Traci Lords, send Scary Gary out to terrorize pedestrians, and showcase another gorgeous Girl Gone Wired.

Hasn't technology done wonderful things for relationships? Now, instead of heading out to your local watering hole and hoping to meet your dream date over a round of boilmakers and a game of darts, you can post an online personal ad, sit back, and wait for the perfect response (in fluent Klingon, of course.) Once you've lured your perfect mate, you don't have to hire your friends to stalk them if you question their commitment, thanks to a nifty little tool that will search for evidence of infidelity! Tonight we talk to the inventor of this semen-spotting gadget and find out how unhappy couples are putting it to good use across the country. To continue the trend of catching liars in the act, we also chat with an astronomer who explains why that whole ""fake moon landing"" theory is a big steaming load of wombat dung. All this, along with some screwy videos, a dancing dog, and of course our daily dose of Girls Gone Wired. Don't miss it!

Have you ever tried something different -- something kinky -- in bed with your special lady without asking her first, only to have her blow up at you? Did you have to enlist the help of her friends to get you back in her good graces? What a pain. Of course, if you bought yourself a Realdoll, you might think those days are over. Not so. The only difference between a real doll and a Realdoll is that when a Realdoll blows up, you need to call on Dr. Slade Fiero. Also on the show tonight, a new installment of our esteemed game show, Search Sperts. We have two new participants, and it's safe to say the ladies are our wildest contestants yet. Plus, this week's Fancy Fetish has all the elements of a classic moment on TV. Here's a hint: It contains chocolate syrup, adult entertainers, and Joey the Intern.

Television is a demanding business. You're pretty much told what to do and when to do it. Take our resident Ghost Hunter, Scott Herriott. He was busy working on personal projects, and the next thing he knows, his ass is on a plane headed to Las Vegas. His assignment? The ""Star Trek"" Convention. He was forced to postpone his search for Sasquatch and specters and boldly go where most people have gone before. And you think Martin, Laura, and the rest of this team are hopped up on goofballs. Trust us, you ain't seen nothing yet. Also on the program tonight, Cat Schwartz of ""Call for Help"" is here to set the record straight about what really happened with the pics that are being swapped around the Net faster than insults about Martin's hair. And, find out why Jason Vanhee and Brandon Amancio are Martin and Laura's new heroes. Plus we reveal another Girl Gone Wired strumpet.

The RIAA has made itself clear. Stop the downloading, or else. Well, if the RIAA was forced to make a living on the peanuts we earn a week, maybe it'd understand why we do it. After shelling out money for rent, porn, and other expenditures, we barely have enough cash to pay the bar tab. Tonight, Martin takes a stand against the powers that be in a battle of the ages. A goofy, small-time television host squares off against the big boys from Washington. Put the kids to bed early, because this one could get ugly. Also on the program, meet Pete Brusyo. He loves the 40-ounce malt liquors just as much as our host does. Indeed, Pete has erected a website dedicated to the ultimate party beverage. Plus, Rubik's Cube genius Dan Knights attempts to solve the '80s toy in under 17 seconds. (That's longer than Martin lasts in the sack.) And we have new installments of Dear Blog and Girls Gone Wired.

Don't you hate it when you come home from a hard day of panhandling only to find your spouse has packed up her things and moved to another country to be with someone she met in an Internet chat room? All she has left behind are a pair of pumps, the kids, and a swallow of whiskey. (She could have at least left a full bottle.) If only you'd paid a bit more attention to ""the book"" she said she was writing. Turns out she's been chatting her nights away right into the heart of another man. Tonight, meet John LaSage. He's created a website to stop this from happening before it gets started. Also on the show tonight, find out how you can save yourself from a life of hair transplants, toupees, and Rogaine. Mike Blaylock has come up with a way to preserve your hair until there's a cure for baldness. The process is called Hairogenics, and it could be the best hope you've got. Plus, Scary Gary is back on the street tormenting pedestrians, and learn the innermost thoughts of Martin and Laura in a

Don't you hate it when you're sitting on the can trying to ""take care of business,"" but you can't, 'cause someone is watching you and making you nervous? It's time you put an end to this stage fright, because before you know it, no matter which stall you use, someone will be watching. And that someone is none other than actor Jeff Goldblum. And you thought ""The Fly"" was creepy. Tonight you'll meet Matt Blessing, a man on a mission to make sure Mr. Goldblum is watching you every time you ""drop a load."" Also on the program, Andrew Goldberg of ""The Smoking Gun"" is back with more dirt on celebrities and names in the news. Plus, new installments of Dear Blog, and another bustified Girl Gone Wired.

Tonight's show is destined to get a little out of control. In fact, we'll be surprised if Martin can make it through the entire episode. On the show, we'll be testing those personal breathalyzers you can buy at the drugstore. And Martin figures the best way to test these devices is to drink throughout the show. (Yeah, it does sound like an excuse to drink while working.) However, there's a method to this madness. We want to make sure those over-the-counter devices are accurate, so we invited CHP officer Christian Oliver to compare the professional breathalyzers the CHP uses with the store-bought ones. Regardless of what happens, we guarantee that Martin will have his way with a fifth of Wild Turkey.

Only in America can we force a recall for a governor, and only in America can someone like Martin get his own TV show. Since we can't recall Martin from late night, (believe us, we've tried), it's time to grill the candidates like only ""Unscrewed"" can. We need to make sure whoever gets into office is willing to protect our rights to download music and surf for porn. Join us for a night of pure pandemonium. You thought the recall was asinine? Trust us, you ain't seen nothing yet. All 135 candidates have been invited, and only seven bold people have stepped forth so far.

You've all looked at porn. We can tell just by looking at traffic reports from the ""Girls Gone Wired"" galleries. There really isn't any harm at viewing porn from time to time, right? (We hope not, or we better get used to eternal heat.) But what if sneaking a peek at a little T and A makes you a bad person? According to our guests tonight, ""A little porn is like a little heroin. It's gonna jack you up one way or the other."" Tonight, meet the founders of XXX Church.com. They're here to tell us why porn is a bad thing. (And to think, we've been wrong all these years.) Also on the program tonight, Scott Herriott continues to delve into paranormal activity. Tonight he investigates some strange happenings in a haunted mansion. Plus, new installments of Search Sperts, our game show, and a new Porn Tip of the Day. And you'll love tonight's Girl Gone Wired. She's made a career of playing with fuzzy balls.

You're sitting in front of Starbucks enjoying a venti caramel macciato with soy milk (Martin's favorite), and out of nowhere a group of people show up, chant a ridiculous phrase, and then flee. Did the indie rocker who sold you your beverage slip something in your cup? No. It's just a new worldwide fad. These harmless gatherings are called flash mobs. Tonight, Tom Grow, chief instigation officer of MobProject.com, sheds some light on flash mobs. Also on the program, D-Tip shows you how to rid your PC of all incriminating files in a matter of seconds. And alien seeker Judy Messoline talks about why she has erected a UFO watchtower in the middle of Colorado. Plus, another sex kitten from our Girls Gone Wired gallery.

It seems it's getting harder and harder to watch porn. They've closed just about all the X-rated movie houses. Porn has vanished from most of the major rental stores. And at the establishments that do carry smut, you feel like you need to don a trench coat and sunglasses just to peek at the titles. While the Internet is great for downloading a bevy of pics, it's just not the same. If only there was a way to make renting porn a little easier. At last, someone has heard the cries of lonely men all across the land. Tonight you meet two guys on a mission to help you obtain your porn and not feel like a pervert. Also on the program, if you thought Altoids were curiously strong mints, you ain't seen nothing yet. We'll show you the direction mints are taking, and how they can improve your sex life. (Assuming you ever get one.) Plus, new installments of Lighter Side of Linux, and another bodacious babe from our Girls Gone Wired Gallery.

I'm sure many of you are still virgins, and that's OK. But if you haven't done the deed by age 22, you may want to turn to drastic measures. Tonight you'll meet Ryan Bennett. He's auctioning off his virginity on eBay. No strings attached. What a great idea! Maybe Martin should lie and auction his off, too. I'm sure someone will offer to pay a dollar. Also on the program tonight, Man-Faye. Although he dresses like anime character Faye Valentine from ""Cowboy Bebop,"" he doesn't exactly look like her. And find out what happens when we send Eugene the Creepy Intern to Model Fest.

We know. It's hard to believe the American government would withhold information from its citizens. But when it comes to UFOs (among other things) the government tends to give us the proverbial brush-off. It has to be more than coincidence so many people have spotted what they believe to be UFOs. Tonight, UFO expert David Sereda has footage NASA doesn't want you to see. If you don't believe him, maybe you'll believe ""Blues Brothers"" star Dan Aykroyd. Also, find out how parody site Don'tBuyMusic.com was able to get back up and running after it was shut down by BuyMusic.com. Plus, Martin and Laura go behind the scenes at Burning Man. And no show would be complete without a Girl Gone Wired. Tonight's girl is on the set to play our product game ""Failure Mode."" Hey if she loses, her top is coming off.

As you may have guessed from watching Martin, hosting your own TV show ain't easy. Which is why we've developed such an ardent appreciation for Jim Spagg. This wig-sporting nudist hosted his very own cable access television show for 14 years. We'll be lucky to stay on until the end of the year! On tonight's show we'll grill Jim for the secrets of his success, the language he created, and the religion he founded. Here's hoping he doesn't give Marty any ideas. We'll also chat with F***ed Company's front man, Philip ""Pud"" Kaplan, about some of his favorite dot-com debacles. And we'll hear from our friendly neighborhood porn mom and meet a Girl Gone Wired with a very sweet tooth. Don't miss it.

Ever since the RIAA decided to fine people for taking what ""doesn't belong to them,"" downloading music has become a potentially dangerous thing to do. If only there were a way to simultaneously continue to grab our favorite tunes from the Net and slip past the recording industry. Tonight, D-Tipper Kevin Rose shows you a little trick to continue your downloading frenzy and keep the RIAA off of your computer (insert evil laugh). Also on the program, researcher Jason Martell joins us with proof that Planet X exists. Plus, new installments of our wildly popular game ""Search Sperts,"" and a brand new Girl Gone Wired.

What is it about a tan that makes people look better? Tans give even ugly people a certain sexual attractiveness. It's definitely true that fat looks better tan. While not everyone lives in year-round sunny weather, that's no excuse not to have a golden glow. On tonight's show, Tom Laughlin, inventor of Mist-On Tan, is going to turn Martin's ass from pasty white to beautiful bronze in just 60 seconds. Imagine looking like you spend your free time in the sun instead of the confines of local bars. Also on the program, Laura's work antics land her in the office of TechTV's human resources department. Find out how a website got our co-host in hot water. Plus, new installments of Memoirs of a Radio Hut Guy, and tonight's vixen, whose dirty ways secured her a spot in the Girls Gone Wired gallery.

Do you lie awake at night wondering what your future holds? Same thing happens to Martin -- only, he's usually half-crocked at a dive pub pondering his future. Ya know, stuff like, will he ever find a woman? Will more people watch his show? Will Laura ever go out with him? Lucky for him, we booked one of the world's best psychics. She's Fran Baskerville, the Singing Psychic. Not only will she answer Martin's burning questions, but she'll deliver them in song. Also on the show tonight, Nick Esposito, creator of the Gray Kangaroo, joins us to talk about his invention, which changes bottom-of-the-barrel liquor into the hooch found on the top shelf. You know, the stuff you can't afford. Perry, our staff scientist, puts it to the test. Plus, new installments of Moments in NASA history and a lip-smacking hottie from our Girls Gone Wired gallery.

Tonight's show is for the latent gear-head in all of us. Do you swoon over tricked-out speedsters? Does horsepower get you hot? Are you a heterosexual male who purchased ""The Fast and the Furious"" on DVD? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you do not want to miss tonight's ""Unscrewed."" We'll talk to an earthquake tracker who practices his predictive science with the help of one seriously stocked SUV. Then we'll offer a titillating taste of the erotic world of Gas Pedal Fetishists. Finally, we'll feature a fabulous new Girl Gone Wired who is guaranteed to get your motor running. Enjoy the ride!

If you're a Bill-Gates-hating, Xbox-playing, Tolkien-reading, big-government-fearing creature of the night, you're going to love tonight's show. Because here on ""Unscrewed,"" we pride ourselves on having a demographic of one. But even if you don't quite fall into our target market, you should still tune in. Kevin Rose's Xbox mod is so controversial we're not allowed to call it a hack and Scott Herriott's vampire interviews are surprisingly lighthearted. Jerry Smith will give you yet another reason to wake up screaming in the middle of the night and our Girl Gone Wired will give you yet another reason to practice typing one-handed. All this, plus Search Sperts and a rapping Golem! Does it get any better than this?

Guns and girls go together like ice cream and apple pie, don't they? Which is why we're such big fans of Nolan Conley and his website GunGirls.com. The site was originally designed to help George Bush defeat Al Gore using photos of half-naked women and weapons. You laugh, but who's sitting in the Oval Office, hmm? Plus, we've got the Lycos Top 50, which helps us track the strangest searches on the Internet; another mouth-watering Girl Gone Wired; and a brand new feature called ""Playing With Yourself!"" Now that's entertainment.

One of the best things about working in television is the tremendous opportunity for intern abuse. We can force them to fetch coffee, walk our dogs, pick up our dry-cleaning, and move our cars every two hours so the meter maids don't get us. But the real entertainment starts when we invite them to ""participate in a segment."" You should see their glazed little eyes light up in anticipation! So hopeful! So clueless! So funny. Of course, few segments have as much potential for publicly humiliating interns as the one coming up tonight. Marty's interviewing Lady Christine, a seriously sexy combination hypnotist and dominatrix. She's going to demonstrate her skill on -- you guessed it -- Joey, the ""Unscrewed"" intern. Trust us, you don't want to miss this bit. Rounding out the evening, we've got Search Sperts, Dear Blog, and of course, another tantalizing Girl Gone Wired. Enjoy!

I've never understood men's obsession with women wrestlers. OK, so you put two attractive girls in bikinis and you watch them roll around on the floor, or the mud, or the vat of Jell-O until one of them manages to pin down the other. Big whoop. Sure, there's the whole girl-on-girl sexual undertone going on, but if you're into that, why not just rent porn? Frankly, the appeal was lost on me. Until, of course, I watched the taping of tonight's show. These chicks kick serious ass! They're strong, they're skilled, and they whipped Marty and our security guard without breaking a sweat! Whether you respect their athleticism, admire their more obvious attributes, or just like watching Marty get slapped like a girly-man, you're bound to enjoy watching these women in action. We're also talking to the inventor of a warp drive device for spaceships and featuring another glorious Girl Gone Wired. Don't miss it.

Tonight on ""Unscrewed"" we're going to show you how you can score a piece of ass! No, not like that. Sheesh, you people have such dirty minds. What I mean is, butt-printing artist Stan Murmur will be in the studio tonight painting a gorgeous masterpiece using only his gluteus maximus. Look Ma, no hands! The result will go to one lucky viewer in our first-ever ass-art giveaway! Continuing in our efforts to stretch the term ""artist"" beyond all reasonable boundaries, we'll also interview nightclub performer Scotty the Blue Bunny. Don't even ask me, I just work here. In a heroic attempt to salvage the show, Kevin Rose will offer step two in his amazing Xbox mod series, and the role of Girl Gone Wired will be played by Shannon Stewart. You sorta have to watch just to witness the carnage.

Tonight on ""Unscrewed,"" Laura takes her shirt off. There's more to it than that, of course. It's a gesture of solidarity and sisterhood dedicated to Bunny Bunns, who will also be topless. And bottomless. This former dot commer turned nude party chef will stop by the studio to serve up some spring rolls prepared in her signature style -- naked. Doesn't that tempt your tummy? If combining spring roll and skin isn't your deal, we've also got the inventor of the Aura Camera here to take a Polaroid of Marty's aura. Plus, yet another reason to get broadband, an enthralling Dear Blog entry, and of course a Girl Gone Wired.

Many people seem to be laboring under the false impression that making an X-rated movie is easy. Sure, the lighting is terrible, camera angles awkward, titles laughable, and acting largely theoretical. Sure, the scripts read like rejected letters to Penthouse Forum. But that doesn't mean just anyone can shoot a sex scene and become the crown prince of porn! For the real scoop, watch tonight's ""Unscrewed,"" when Tim Connelly of Adult Video News reveals true secrets of skin-flick success. Plus, Kevin Rose shows you how to run red lights without risking the moving violation. All this, and a free game in which you shoot Teddy Bears! That's what we call entertainment.

It's our very first Halloween here on ""Unscrewed,"" and we're determined to make it ghoulishly good for the whole family! So gather your friends and loved ones around the tube and join in our wholesome holiday fun. You and your little ones love pumpkin carving, don't you? Well why not jack up your jack-o'-lanterns with the help of some power tools? Our extreme pumpkin-carving segment will inspire you to experiment with your chainsaw and power sander to create a scene from your favorite slasher film. Your neighbors are sure to envy your ingenuity! Plus, we explore the spiritual side of this holiday with the help of the High Priestess of the Church of Satan. We also have trick or treating, mystery spots, and a gorgeously gothic Girl Gone Wired. Now is that better than bobbing for apples or what?

Do you know what makes tonight's episode of ""Unscrewed"" unique? No, it's not the opportunity to see Marty and his stunt double attempt belly dancing at the Renaissance Faire. No, it's not because we're talking to possibly the greatest Etch A Sketch artist of all time. It's not even because we're featuring a free game in which evil monkey heads shoot snot cannons at you and you respond by hurling exploding crabs. Certainly all of those elements are significant and worth watching. But what makes tonight's episode of ""Unscrewed"" unique is the lack of 18-plus web site links. Absolutely every item is family friendly. Take that, all you people who claim this show is nothing but soft-core pornography! So be sure to watch tonight's all-age entertainment. And come back tomorrow when we pile the porn on with shovels to make up for lost time.

Tonight, ""Unscrewed"" brings together the undisputed King of Smut with the unproven Lackey of Late-Night Television. Tune in to see Marty talk with Hustler's head honcho Larry Flynt about Flynt's crusade to protect our First Amendment right to free speech. Of course, Marty also asks Larry if the bullet wound that rendered him a paraplegic has interfered with his sex life. Because after all, this is ""Unscrewed."" Dark Tipper Kevin Rose will also stop by the set to show you how to listen in on AOL Instant Messenger conversations. All this, plus a helpful guide for selecting bum wines, a positively gruesome free Flash game, a devastatingly beautiful Girl Gone Wired, and Search Sperts: Battle of the Champions. Don't miss it!

Tonight's show is all about exhibitionists and voyeurs. If you like to watch, if you like to be watched, if you like to watch while being watched or be while watching or watch while being, then this episode is all about you! We begin by interviewing a man whose contribution to society cannot be overestimated: Craig Hosoda, creator of ""The Bare Facts Video Guide."" This invaluable desktop reference resource dutifully tracks celebrity nude scenes available on videotape. How did we survive without this handy tome? From there we move to an interview with Stanley Tobiason III, who posts video of him dancing on the Internet. Yes, you read that right. Finally, we wrap up our see-and-be-seen special with tonight's Girl Gone Wired. So watch already. You know you want to.

If you're a pet owner, you're familiar with this problem. Your pet is fed. Your pet has been taken to the appropriate place to relieve itself. Your pet is not cold, ill, confined, injured, or uncomfortable in any visible way. And your pet will not shut the f**k up. Lucky for you, the helpful folks at Takara have developed a solution. The Bow-Lingual is a handy gadget designed to translate your dog's barking into human speech. Does it work? Watch tonight when the lovely Laura Swisher and her dog, Bean, put it to the test. We've also got the latest celebrity dirt from The Smoking Gun, a free game that has you hiding condoms from your parents, and a Girl Gone Wired with an inspirational message.

Tonight on ""Unscrewed"" we show you how to make it big using that glorious American tradition, the frivolous lawsuit. The best part is, you don't even have to file the lawsuit yourself. Just log on to the website, find the evil corporate behemoth that exploited you, and join the feeding frenzy. Plus, Marty has a cozy little chat with Carmen Electra about hair removal, our free Flash game gets tubular, and our Girl Gone Wired reveals that she started working when she was barely legal. All this and more coming up tonight!

Tonight we take a walk down ""Unscrewed"" memory lane when we invite back the very first guest ever to appear on the program, Alex Chiu. Maybe a second visit will allow us to determine once and for all if he's a raving lunatic or a misunderstood genius who discovered the secret of eternal life. Plus, D-Tip is back with some deviously simple tricks guaranteed to drive your co-workers completely over the edge. All this, plus another thrilling game of Search Sperts, and of course our Girl Gone Wired.

We get a tremendous amount of email here at ""Unscrewed,"" and a significant portion of it seems to suggest that Martin has ""issues."" To which we have formulated the following response: Duh. Why not tell us something we don't know? Tonight, however, we explore the issue of ""issues"" in more detail. We start by talking to Jeff Bakeman and Brian Krinbring, two guys with some serious mommy issues. Their book, as well as their website, ponders the phenomenon of the man who marries a woman just like his mom, and the moms whose kids grew up to write books like this. OK, so not really that last one, but the rest is true! Then we chat with the poster child for arrested development issues, Randy Constan. Find out why this 49-year-old resident of Tampa, Florida, likes to dress up like Peter Pan and dance. All this, plus the tech of Frisbees, another gorgeous Girl Gone Wired, and a chance to see Laura blindfolded. If you didn't already have issues, you certainly will after watching tonight's episode

From exposing secret societies to casting light on the plight of the modern-day waitress, ""Unscrewed"" is the Upton Sinclair of the late-night world. It's a hard burden to bear, being crusaders for justice and all. But we're just doing what we think is right! Actually, we're doing what we think is funny, but for once they're one and the same. Ever wonder about that funky eye on the back of the dollar bill? To traditional students of Latin, Novus Ordo Seclorum means ""A New Order of the Ages."" But to this guest it simply means that Satan controls our government. Dr. Stanley Monteith, conspiracy theorist and orthopedic surgeon, has pierced the veil of secrecy and is here to reveal the malevolent forces controlling your mind from a bunker in the Swiss Alps. And from the Alps to the diner down the street, we bring to you the creator of bitterwaitress.com. That's right, we get inside the head of a waitress and learn what it's really like to serve celebrities food. Would you believe that Rebec

A computer is very nearly the ideal companion. It provides entertainment in the form of games, videos, and articles. It provides assistance in a variety of ways, from helping you research a topic and manage your contacts to balancing your checkbook. It even provides an introduction to new and interesting people, like that Mahir guy with the ""I kiss you"" website. Really, the only time your computer doesn't deliver is when you're looking for a drinking buddy. Well, thanks to Kevin Rose, even that function can now be performed by your PC! Tune in tonight to find out how to install a beer cooler in your case, and extinguish your need for external human contact once and for all! We'll also talk to the host of ConspiracyCafe.com about a series of strange sightings in Wise County, Texas. One possible cause? The Mothman of silver-screen fame. The implications of this are simply staggering. Just think -- an excuse for a sequel to that awful Richard Gere film! We're getting the heebie-jeebies ju

Let's say you've achieved some moderate degree of success in your life. You have a career you enjoy, a solid group of quality friends, even a satisfying romantic relationship. Your finances are pretty much in order. You're in good health. You have enough free time and money to indulge a hobby or two. And yet something is missing. You still don't feel like you've ""made it."" There remains some elusive triumph or achievement just beyond your grasp. What is it? What's the missing ingredient that would validate your entire existence? The answer, of course, is a personal phone call from ""Kato"" Kaelin. That's right. For the bargain-basement price of $19.95 you can pay a pseudo-celebrity to place a personal phone call to you or your friends. Tune in tonight when Ron ""Horshack"" Palillo of ""Welcome Back Kotter"" fame explains how Hollywood Is Calling can work for you. Plus, we'll talk to the man who put the ""ESP"" in espionage: Lyn Buchanan, former psychic spy and author of ""The Seventh Sense."" He

The Internet is an amazing place. Not only does it let you view tons of free pornography with the assumption of complete privacy, but it also unites a whole bunch of people who normally wouldn't be caught dead together. Case in point, on tonight's show we have a witch, a cabbie, Britney Spears, and a kid who will suck his own toes if you toss him a nickel. What do Peter Frampton, George Lucas, and Ringo Starr have in common? Well, yeah, all their careers went to pot about 20 years ago, but they've also shared the experience that is ""The Ultimate Taxi."" We've got the Ultimate Cabbie here to explain why he packed his cab with as many gewgaws as humanly possible. Plus, by the pricking of my thumb, something witch-ed this way comes. Macha Nightmare is going to explain how the Internet has brought witches out of the broom closet and a little closer to the mainstream. She'll also be harnessing all of her power to break Marty's long line of lonely nights. Yeah, good luck. Not even Gandalf cou

Rarely are you offered the opportunity to sharpen and dull your mind in the same half-hour of television. Well, tonight, we here at ""Unscrewed"" give it to you. First, the dulling. Choosing to neuter your dog is a very important choice. So important in fact that an industry has sprung up to fill the niche of prosthetic dog testicles. Hundreds of thousands of dollars were spent, years were devoted and in the end inventor Gregg Miller has handed us the Neuticle, a plastic (or hardened silicon) dog testicle replacement. Will your pooch be able to tell the difference? More importantly, will Fifi, the poodle down the street know? Now the sharpening (actually just less of a dulling). Ancient history is really, really old. I mean it's so old that no one really knows what happened, so people just make stuff up. On one hand you have your stodgy, scholarly types with their ""book learning"" and their ""facts."" But on the other hand, the hand sporting a foam finger stating ""Aliens are #1,"" we have to

""Unscrewed"" basks in the panoply of the Internet like a booze hound who won't drink the same thing twice. Tonight we'll discuss the bargain basement of Internet dating, absurd office art, mischievous hackers, porn, and the facial expressions you make during sex. But first things first. Tonight's Search Sperts is one of the best on record. Not only is it a battle that dethrones the reigning champ, but we also get to see plenty of blessed toplessedness and some lesbian kissing. You'll be on your feet yelling ""Oh no they didn't"" but you'll ultimately realize ""Ohh yeah, they did."" And if that got you all hot and bothered we'll show you what to do about it. Our guest, Amy Blair of Blacktable.com, will guide you through an online meat market where even your most depraved wishes can come to life. The example she used? Pooping in pie tins. It's been there, she's seen it. You can see it too.

Well, a lot's been happenin' 'round the ol' Internet. Seems like Paris Hilton has been a bit of a skank. If you ask li'l ol' me, that's just fine. That's the great thing about this country: You can be whatever you want to be. You can take your massive wealth and create endowments for the arts. You can create shelters to help feed and clothe the less fortunate. You can strive to make the world a better place. Or you can run around like a drunken tramp, get taped boning some dude, and then pretty much make an ass out of yourself on an awful reality television show. Ahh, the sweet nectar of freedom. ""Unscrewed's"" own Paris Hilton, Joey the Intern, was inspired by such a bold example of the succulence of videography, so he decided to make his own ""sex"" tape. Make sure you check it out. Actually, the freedom of the Internet runs through the veins of tonight's show. We have an interview with Kevin Blatt, the publicist for SexBrat.com, the site that purchased the Paris Hilton sex tape. Also,

The world is a torrent of mystery and duplicity. The good people of earth are besieged from all angles. Strife, both at home and abroad, threatens to disrupt the lives of everyday comings and goings of Joe (or Jane) Q. Public. Well, fair viewer/reader, I want you to know that we at ""Unscrewed"" are here for you. We pierce the skin on the pudding that is the Internet to bring you the sweet goo you need to get by in this topsy-turvy world of ours. Bold crusaders, depraved spies, and self-pleasuring wildlife all grace this half-hour of television where we carve out our niche in history. Tonight's guests are Maddox, the creator of The Best Page in the Universe, and Jason Woodside from the International Spy Shop.

Well, it's come to this. We're kidnapping people. I thought that extortion would be the first real law we broke, but I was wrong, it's kidnapping. Every late night show needs a band, and we're no exception. Our house band, The Day Drinkers, are pretty good, but they needed a drummer. So they kidnapped Letterman's. Yup, we're messin' with the big guy, and I'm just hoping he doesn't notice. (Although I'm sure I could take their Web guy in a bare-knuckle fight to the death, I know Dave would knock the stuffin' out of poor Marty.) And if kidnapping people isn't enough to pique your interest, we have world-famous fetish photographer Eric Kroll. Kroll's here to talk latex, muses, and ball gags with Marty. Plus, if the feds are pounding down your door, get rid of the evidence via a rocket-propelled hard drive.

Man is a funky beast. The intricacies of our species are like a toboggan ride that's missing the driver, careening down the track of life. Well, look at me, I'm rambling again, but cannibalism does that to me. No, I'm no cannibal, but there's a German chap who is. The stranger thing is that the cannibal used a website to find someone willing to be killed and eaten. Apparently it's all on tape and it's completely consensual. Like I was saying, it takes all kinds. Tonight's show is no exception.

As the old saying goes, those who forget the past are doomed to repeat it. Well, if tonight's guests are any indicator, it looks like the past might be coming back to roost. And to root through TechTV's fridge for leftovers. Two ex-hosts are coming back to talk about life after TechTV. What are they up to? Are they running multimillion dollar enterprises or do they drink bum wine and live in cardboard boxes? And are the sins of AOL's past about to come back and bite the company in the ass? Two guys are mad as hell, and you can help them wreak havoc on one of the Internet's biggest mega-corporations.

Oh, the yuletide glee. It's the holiday season again, and we're getting damn festive around here. Marty got so hopped up on eggnog, he even headed out into the woods to chop down a tree. That was a week and a half ago. We keep hoping he'll show up, the robust healthy young chap he is, but it's an odds on favorite he's freezing to death in the forest right now. In his last moments of coherent thought he'll probably be dreaming of the holiday extravaganza we're throwing. And I bet his dream would go a little something like this. Tonight's guests include Tom Nardone, creator of ShopInPrivate.com. And Laura presents Extreme Caroling: Extreme Caroling by Laura Swisher Someone on staff wanted to know how Extreme Christmas Caroling came about. I said I would write a brief article explaining the new tradition, so here it is in a nutshell. TechTV hired a company to figure out how to reach viewers in the coveted 18- to 34-year-old male demographic. We wanted to do a segment on ""Unscrewed"" to cel

When faced with problems such as dead whales and snoring, who do you turn to? God? Magic? Nope, in situations like these you turn to good old-fashioned science. Just remember, no one is suggesting that science will always gets you the results you want. Tonight's guests are great examples of applied science at its most blunt but effective.

With the Internet, alienation is a thing of the past. Always had an inexplicable yearning to be covered in jam? Put ""jam fetish"" in Google and you get 74 results. There might not be tons of you out there, but the Internet has given all 74 of you the chance to get together for a breakfast the likes of which none of you will ever forget. Tonight's guests celebrate those connections. With the Internet, you'll never be lonely again.

Tonight is officially geek night. If you're not a geek, you're a loser. Geeks keep your computers running. They design your cars, economic policy, and, well, most of the world. But they have some problems. It's hard to find things they're interested in on TV. Most of the stuff is too mundane and childish for them. Well we've got you covered. The other big problem is dating. Sure, you might be single simply because you're too interested in cataloging beetle species to get a date, but sometimes situations come up where you need to fake it. Don't worry, we have that covered too. So sit back, tear your eyes away from those bugs for a second, and watch the show.

Screw the skeptics. Pundits bitch that people aren't talking or communicating anymore, but they're dead wrong. People are communicating more than ever, but in new ways. All of tonight's guests are on the cutting edge of these new communication mediums. While the critics gripe, every day people are using the Internet to share information, enhance personal relationships and to learn more about what it means to be human.

If you want to stay in the mollified comfort of your own little weak-ass world, don't watch tonight's show. If you don't want to learn the truth about the moon landing, that's fine. If you don't want to be able to harness the awesome might of radionic energy, that's cool. Stay broke, lonely, and unknown. You can just sit there with your head in the sand. But remember, if you have your head in the sand, your ass is sticking out, just waiting to be kicked.

There really aren't any ways to cover up your secrets anymore. The world is too connected and we haven't figured out how to keep things secret. Tonight's show is all about bringing those secrets to the light of day. Celebrities try to hide the shame of skin blemishes with makeup, but our guest is trained at discovering what they'd rather hide. Plus the D-Tipper is going to show you how to crack into wireless video-camera systems.

Sex can be great. It can be a way to physically express your love or just have a good time. It can also be an utterly horrible, embarrassing experience that makes you want to pack up your genitals and put them in storage. Tonight we're talking about both. The good, the bad, and the so bad it's sparked an international lawsuit with a British tabloid. Oh, and the Dark Tipper will teach you how to make a beer catapult.

Tonight's guests flex the muscle of their Yankee ingenuity. That's what this country was founded on. Ingenuity. We're a country of outside-the-box thinkers. We look for unique ways to solve problems, even if we need to fly in the face of conventional social values. Like say you've plagued got no money. People in other countries become working stiffs, but our guest saw a way out and took it. Even though it caused a ruckus. Our second guest wanted to play a trick on his friend. Unlike the Europeans or the Africans, to this fellow the whoopie cushion was just too prosaic. So he took the gag to the levels of sheer lunacy for which our country has been celebrated.

Tonight's guest will show you how to beat the system. Isn't that what everyone wants? To slip the surly bonds that chain every other sucker to the grind. Well, according to our guests, freedom from what plagues you lies in tonight's show. If you're poor, or just plagued by some seriously stanky breath, our guests have the answers you're looking for. Hell, you could be poor and suffering from stanky breath, our advice is good for everyone. Except the lepers, sorry folks, there's just nothing we can do about lepers.

Our guests are great examples of how the Internet is the great equalizer. Used to be there was no way for the little guy to have his voice heard over the din of big media. Now, if you say something really worthwhile, it can be picked up and sent around the world in a matter of minutes. One guest did something so worthwhile, it got a gigantic company pounding on his door with a cease-and-desist order. The other guest took a crowbar and pried the giant gleaming rock of Hollywood up to get a gander at the slime underneath.

There must be rules, and when the rules are broken, there must be punishment. The Bible says, ""An eye for an eye."" Well I ask you this: What kind of transgression deserves having a penis drawn on your face in permanent marker? Because this punishment is being handed out hither and yon. One of our guests will explain the rules that made Penischeek.com a reality. Our other guest is tasked by the federal government to keep track of hoaxes. I wonder in awe at the kind of punishments they'd hand out. Do you think our guests will get together and create the bitchin'-est ever deterrent for the jerks who make virus hoaxes?

Rip-snorting fun. Belly-bursting joviality. We promise nothing but the most painful, eye-blistering, eardrum-popping good time. And you better like it too, because if you don't, we'll send a 350-pound gorilla in a tuxedo to your house to dislocate your fingers until you learn the true meaning of comedy. Remember, dying is easy, comedy is hard, and tonight's show will teach you a lesson you'll never forget.

We've got human calculators, celebrity impersonators, and hot camwhores. Think of tonight's show as a porned-out ""Beautiful Mind."" The Human Calculator is here to demonstrate why he holds a record from Guinness. Plus we'll show you how you can have your favorite celebrity crank-call your favorite friends. All this and a handful of ladies who make a living with their bodies, but battle with their minds.

Tonight's show will have you re-evaluating your relationship with technology. Not in an abstract grad student way, but in a very personal, very visceral way. First, your DVD player will let you tell a porn star exactly what you want, and she'll do it. Have you thought about what you'd do without the Internet? We did, and things got bloody. Either way, technology has woven its way pretty deep into our lives -- so deep, in fact, that removing it is going to require surgery.

We understand that the ""Lord of the Rings"" movies were great. We also know that there is a lot of mainstream interest in fantasy now. We're going to try and cash in on some of that. Get out your broadsword and your chainmail +1 because we're wading into murky depths, fair adventurer. XP bonuses are available for good role-playing.

Tonight's guests both seek power, but they've chosen very different roads to get it. One embraced an ancient religion and magic, the other embraced the bleeding edge of fire-hardened technology. The witch doctor and the cyborg. One whispers to voices in the dark, the other flexes his mind and computers bend to his will. One helps Marty on his road to fame and fortune, the other warns of an impending war between man and machine.

Sometimes it's ladies night. Other times it's free bobblehead night. Tonight it's geek night. Geek night rocks. It's time to let the hair out of the ponytail, grab a beer, and breathe a sigh of relief. The bullies don't know you're here and your parents are asleep. Just relax and pull out the polyhedral dice, the Klingon dictionary, and a compendium of the ships of the Federation, because tonight's show is for you.

From flying high, to getting loaded, Unscrewed has the recipe to lift your spirit from the dulldrums. Ever wondered who the hell invented the microwave? Did you know the first disposable diapers were used in space? Our guest is going to talk about how space science finds its way into your home. Plus, the tyranny of warm beer is over. We have the inventor of an amazing device that'll chill a beer ice cold in a matter of minutes.

Tonight's guests bare their souls and their privates. Melissa is like the girl next door who likes to get drunk and naked in bars and then posts the pics to her pay site. Apparently the cops in her town did a Google search on ""drunk girl next door naked bars Nebraska,"" because now they're filing charges. Our second guest gives piss-poor drunken white trash an outlet to vent their frustrations. Thing is, most of his site is really interesting to read. So if you want to see the world in the buff, tonight's a good night to watch.

Morgan Webb is on ""Unscrewed."" She's going to talk about all sorts of things. Mostly sex in videogames and Playboy. Morgan talking about sex in videogames and Playboy should be enough to get you to watch. I'm stopping here. Oh, and the Dark Tipper will show you how to make a Taser out of a disposable camera.

Tonight's the Booze Show. Marty gets loaded, the guests get loaded, I think everyone ends up loaded. Even the guest who isn't here to talk about booze will end up drinking. The California Highway Patrol (CHiPs) wanted us to put up a warning about drinking and driving, but we said no. Although it's a valid request, we figure that since we're not showing any cars or Jet Skis or anything, you wouldn't get the idea to get loaded and go tooling around. Or at least you couldn't prove that you got the idea from us. So drink up, 'cause tonight your liver's going down!

Remember the Dark Ages? Of course you don't, that's why they're the Dark Ages. Mankind backslid into a mumbling, mud-shoveling rut and no one took any notes. Well, the Internet will never let that happen again. Things like the Lycos Top 50 keep track of exactly what the American people are thinking about. Unfortunately, the Internet is a couple thousand years too late for mysteries like the pyramids in Egypt. Our guest believes he has solved the mystery and that the pyramids are actually huge water pumps. You figure someone would have written the instructions down or something. Even if mankind disappeared off the face of the earth, aliens visiting Hoover Dam could still go down to the control room, pull out a manual, and go ""Hey, this thing is a dam!""

Alien ghosts. I'd never thought about it before, but I guess alien ghosts could exist. At least exist in the sense that aliens or ghosts ""exist."" Our first guest is on a hunt for these elusive spirits. Our next guest is the creator of the Internet hit Odd Todd. Odd Todd proves that being unemployed can be funny, with the right frame of mind. On tonight's show, perspective is everything.

Tonight we offer you sex. We have one of the most respected sex columnists in the country here. Then, we have two cam whores who are going to go head-to-head in Search Sperts. Plus, one befuddled old man calls Martin a Pansy because Marty wouldn't give him a cigarette.

At the very least, duct tape and clones share 'Unscrewed' in common. But, I dare say, the bond goes deeper. I mean, you use duct tape to pull things together, to make them whole, to make them one. Clones are identical, they are the same. They too, are one. Cloning and duct tape both have a devoted series of followers who say that, when properly applied,can solve the problems of mankind. Both camps of devotees are loons, but at least the duct tape people can take a joke.

If you've ever wanted the riches and fame that Internet porn has to offer, tonight is the show that you can not miss. Our guests are up to their elbows in the lucrative Iporn industry. One guest runs her own webcam/gallery site. The other will teach you how to run one of your own.

Tonight's show is going to be a tussle. First we have a man who styles hair the way Freddy Kreuger ""styles"" teenagers, with long-ass sharp pieces of metal. We've also got a Search Sperts that promises to be something to write home about. I'm not promising that someone will get naked, but there's a decent chance that Marty says, ""Yowza!""

Tonight we are visited by a porn legend. Tera Patrick is here, in studio. One of the hottest ladies in the industry, Tera will talk about getting abused by the business. Plus, Scary Gary will show us just how many people he can trick. And to balance all this out, we'll meet a guy who's building the Bible out of Legos.

We're going to teach you how to be a nonstop party. First, the tunes. We're not satisfied with the crap the music industry has been pumping out of our radios, and we're not going to take it anymore. Our guests have put together a software bundle that will give you everything you need to make your own music. Next, our guests are pushing a pill they claim eliminates the hangover. Does it work? Everyone in the office jumped at a chance to test it. Watch to see the results.

Whether you're a hottie or a dog, tonight's ""Unscrewed"" has a way for you to find a lover online. Angry that I'm being so vain? Wait till you see tonight's show! Actually, I'm using ""hottie"" figuratively and ""dog"" literally. So if you're an attractive, wealthy, vain person, or are interested in finding one, this show is for you. And if you're a dog (read canine), or are interested in finding one, this show is for you too. Hotties and dogs unite, it's time for ""Unscrewed."" Anyone else getting hungry?

Tonight's show delves into your subconcious. Actually, it delves into Marty's subconsious. In a segment you have to see to believe, our guest shows that the human subcouncious reveals itself when you play our speech backwards. We were skeptical, until we saw the segment. Now, we won't say we're full-on believers, but it was very impressive. Plus, we have some sensuous Internet hussies, so it looks like there's something for everyone.

Tonight is finally the night we show you what happened on the ""Win a Date With Laura Swisher"" date. We also show you the newest technology in self-sex machines. Coincidence? I think not. I'm not sure how it happened, but it was a marketing coup for the makers of the Virtual Sex Machine. How many people are going to get all riled up watching the date and need an outlet? Probably at least three. And if there was any payola, I can tell you this: None of it made it to the Web team. So watch out for typos and broken links, suckers.

2012, the End of Times. The Mayan calendar ends. What comes next? In proper ""Unscrewed"" fashion we ignore more pressing issues, such as the end of 'peak oil', global food shortages, and an aging world population that could stress our social welfare system to its breaking point, in favor of worm holes and impending ice ages. Hell, who wants to study the devastating effects of the end of cheap oil when a worm hole is going to open up and deliver us a half-snake traveler who just happens to be the harbinger of the End Times? In 2012 only one thing is certain: The jig is up. It may not be the Apocalypse, but it's pretty damn close.

Tonight we talk about killing and stealing. We'll show you how to do both. Tips on how to set up ambushes, choose your targets, and execute your plot. If you don't want to learn anything about killing or stealing, you're a big baby and we don't want you here. Actually, it would just be better for everyone involved if the people of strong moral fiber just put up some kind of net-security software; you don't want to accidentally end up here again. The rest of you belly up to the bar, because we've got such a tasty show it'll knock your socks off your ass.

Porn and industrial machinery pepper this lively hour of ""Unscrewed."" But it's not just normal industrial machinery. It's also incredibly lethal industrial machinery designed to break the sh*t out of things. And for that matter, it's not just normal porn. It's also porn with puppets, made to warn kids about the dangers of pornography. I guess it's more like puppet antiporn and killer industrial machinery. So the tone of tonight is similar to puppets copulating in a blender.

Everyone gets spam. It's a fact of life. But everyone handles it differently. Some install on their PC the most high-tech spam-blocker available. Others use fake email accounts. And still others just write back to the spammer. That's what tonight's guest did, and he ended up with a voodoo curse being cast on him. Plus, more boobies than you can shake a stick at.

I hope you like boobies, cause we have tons on tonight's show. Round, oval, or square, we've got you covered. Yes, I said square boobies. Lego porn? Good guess, but no. Lost paintings of Marcel Duchamp? Go back to The Learning Channel, Learny McLearnerson. I guess you'll have to watch the show to find out.

Tonight's guests kind of complement each other. One believes the Earth is hollow and contains a sun, Nazis, and Vikings. The other sells a personal cooling collar that would be perfect if you were basking under the light of the sun at the center of the Earth. Now all we need is a personal margarita collar and an anti-Nazi collar... maybe they can get to work on that.

Don't miss tonight's show. We've got a guy who messed with the U.S. Senate and lived to tell about 15 very funny tales. A guy who makes pictures of sexy pop stars out of bubblegum. A couple really funny videos. And a Girl Gone Wired who has no problem getting down with other ladies.

Tonight's show will have you questioning everything you believe in. Well, I guess it would only do that if the only thing you believe in is that man walked on the moon. Cause we're gonna hammer that square pegged idea into a round hole. Then, we might come to your house and beat you up 'Cause we're bored, drunk, and know where you live.

Tonight's show is for anyone who masturbates or uses a toilet. Our guests will elevate both performances to the level of art. America's Pleasure Coach is here to show you how to tickle your fancy in a way that'll curl toes and make you swear off members of the opposite sex. Our second guest invented a toilet light that has ended marriage squabbles and potty trained children. And to think, you would have just slept through the episode. Good thing you came to the website.

Oil, Craig's List and Gary Coleman. It's like you done died and gone to heaven. Matt Savinar has done the research, the world as we know it is about to end. Our reliance on oil will be our downfall. Sure you can live without your car; but oil is important to something you can't live without, food. Oil is used in fertilizers, pesticides, processing, packaging and shipping of food. If oil prices go up, each step along the chain gets more expensive and in the end, food won't be something people can afford. Also on tonight's show, Craigslist.org is the best free bulletin board around. You can find everything from a date to a job to a free cat on Craigslist. One filmmaker decided to spend a day tracking down the people who post on Craigslist to see how everything pans out for them. And finally, everyone's favorite child actor Gary Coleman talks about his run for California governor and Marty asks what politics is really about.

Tonight we'll show you what you can do about living forever. We'll also show you how to blow up jerks that are picking on you. Create. Destroy. Tonight's 'Unscrewed' is a microcosm of the Universe. At least from a biological perspective, I mean, we don't get theological. But we do have cam whores, so it kinda evens out.

Are you a joker? A smoker? A midnight toker? Do you play your music in the suuunnnnnn? Well, tonight is the first of two shows focusing on the mean green, that's right, Marijuana. So sit back, roll a splif, grab some Flamin' Hot Cheetos and watch 'Unscrewed'.

Here's your chance folks, time to frolic in the gardens ganja. If you've ever toked a spliff, pulled on a bong or smoked pot out of an apple, you need to watch this show. Hate pot? Watch to learn all that your buttoned-down, vanilla puddin' life has been missing.

Tonight we talk about cloning animals. Now, do you think that a cloned animal would act exactly like the original? Or do you think that the experiences that the young animal had in it's formative years would determine its behavior? To test the theory, the 'Unscrewed' labs has been raising and cloning Border Collies. Some we treat well, some we treat not so well. So far the results are inconclusive, but our scientist have lost several fingers. Maybe tonight's guests will be able to shed some light on what we are doing wrong.

If you love sickness and global conspiracy, you might be an Unscrewed fan. If you love songs regaling the social aspects of being a nerd, you might be an Unscrewed fan. If you've ever been so pissed off at some one you decided to make them think they're peeing blood, you might be an Unscrewed fan. And if any of the above three topics really pique your interest, you better watch tonight's show, cause it'll leave you breathless.

The smartest man is the world is a rapper. No, I'm not talking 'bout 50 cent or Lil John, I'm talking 'bout Hawkin', Stephen that is. We're going to hear some of his raps, see a guy in a wedding dress and find out what Gary Coleman thinks about moon colonies, all in one half hour.

Tonight we're going to learn all about fast food, living in space and boobies. We'll be speaking with Morgan Spurlock, the guy who made Super Size Me, about fast food. We'll talk with a company that wants to be the first private organization to land on the moon. And of course, a Girl Gone Wired will provide all the T&A the kiddies are looking for.

No, I'm not talking about the back of a Volkswagen. One of the pictures of the Girl Gone Wired shows her spread eagle with a fella holding some kind of device between her legs. Either it's a piercing or tattoo gun. Not sure, but studying the picture is fun. Oh, and you'll have a chance to learn about space from one of it's experts. You'll also learn how to hurt people real bad from an expert in that field, the Dark Tipper.

Ok folks, tonight's show features the best porn Unscrewed has offered in the last year. You'll see porn stars, porn conventions and a 'best of' gallery for the Girls Gone Wired. So, unplug the phone, make sure the shades are closed and get ready to enjoy some quality ""me"" time.

We're getting down and dirty with the best of our Dark Tips from the last year... featuring Laura Swisher, Kevin Rose, and Joey the Intern. Tips include: rocket hard drive, beer catapult, how to make a stun glove and how to completely destroy your data.

We've located the best Unscrewed moments in the field and lovingly packaged them for you in a clip show that will make your heart go pitter-patter. Including: UFO Expo, Crop Circles, Mystery Spot and yes, the time Joey the Intern Found Love at CES.

Unscrewed Geniuses: A round-up of the smartest & most innovative Unscrewed guests like Alex Chiu (inventor of the eternal life rings), Cult leader and cloner Rael, the Singing Psychic Fran Baskerville, and who can forget Blackwolf the 5,000 year-old wizard.

Porn star Taylor Wane is going to be here...to chat. Our intern Joey is going to show us another way to make those who wrong you pay for it with pain and misery. Also, we have the dad behind whoisthatwithjeremy.com.

If you shave, you might have microscopic radio tags in your face that the government can use to track your every move...or something like that. Find out more when we talk to Katherine Albrecht (boycottgillette.com). We'll also check in with our wise and humble field correspondent, Gary Coleman. Plus: Search Sperts Daisy & Steph, Girl Gone Wired Chloe McCoy.

A guy who eats pig worms in Gatorade. Man, that's a talent. See worm dude, plus Andrew Goldberg of Smoking Gun fame, GGW Shannon Lea and a charming game about acne all on this touching edition of Unscrewed.

UFO expert Jim Marrs discusses Mexican UFOs, Fat Mike from NOFX discusses punkvoter.com, and Adrian Tyler is our Girl Gone Wired.

Former Hollywood stuntman and rocket ship builder, Ky Michaelson, is here to teach us how to build our own personal moon craft. And, when you see tonight's Girl Gone Wired, you'll feel the need to gouge your eyes out to protect yourself from her radiant beauty. Just like Oedipus. Plus, Dr. Mercurious and more Dark Tips from Kevin.

We've got Chinese doctor and Kung Fu master Dr. Sha with us tonight, and he says he can heal you as you watch this show, using the waves that emanate from your television. We've also got another exciting Search Sperts featuring Steph the Geek vs. Tyia Tyler, and GGW Rachel Elizabeth.

Bryant Kong and Elender Wall perform Rumsfeld poetry for us, we talk to former child star turned psychic Madalyn Aslan, and Shae Marks is our Girl Gone Wired.

Hacker legend Kevin Mitnick is going to join us to talk about hacking, his new book and the fun and excitement of jail. And speaking of jail, just because Mary-Kate and Ashley are of age doesn't mean there aren't plenty of other teen starlets to obsess about. To prove it, we'll count down the best of the best Legality Countdown sites on the Internet. Tonight's guests: Sheldan Nidle from the Galactic Federation and GGW April Moritz.

Chupacabra expert Sean David Morton is here to let us know what to do if we want to get our goat sucked, and Joey the Intern imbeds himself in the seedy world of drag queens and belt sanders to deliver a report from the Power Tool Races. Tonight's GGW is a Finnish beauty who will dazzle you with her own huge tracts of land. Other guests: tech correspondent Sammy4you.

Dr. James Fetzer promises to shed new light on the J.F.K. assassination. Yes, for the first time, the truth comes out... on Unscrewed with Martin Sargent! And, wouldn't it be nice if you could find somebody to do the dishes... take out the garbage... make cosmopolitans... and give you reach-arounds? Yourhouseboy.com might be the place to start looking.

If tonight's show were food I found in the street, such as an old muffin or discarded meat, I would still eat it. Because it's just that good. We have a man who lived in a house for five years, with nearly one million bees as his roommates. And Dark Tipper Kevin Rose fights off eBay snipers.

Tonight's show is so enchanting, if it were a woman in a bar, I'd buy it a drink, with the the hope that later, when it was drunker, I might be able to bang it... Digital music pioneer and garageband.com creator Jerry Harrison is here. Plus another SearchSperts game and a baboon expert.

Tonight's show is so good, once you see it, everything else in your life will seem a little pale; a little shopworn. We have a magician who will cast a spell that will render Martin unable to lift his 100-pound partner. Plus, Teen Taxidermist Amy Ritchey invites us into her animal stuffing laboratory.

Tonight's show is gonna take a big bite out of your mind, and it's gonna feel so good! We're burning one with a guy in his 70's who says he's lived a highly successful life, despite being a total pothead. Have you ever thought about what your last meal would be if you chose a life of crime, got caught and were about to meet your maker on death row? DeadManEating.com has a list.

Tonight's show is so lovingly-rendered, so precise, so detailed, it belongs in a museum commemorating television beauty. People, we are gonna chase down some internet phantoms with internet ghost site hunter Steve Baldwin. Plus, our little vixens are playing Search Sperts and the winner bares all.

Documentarian Linda Moulton Howe is here to talk about Who or What is behind the strange and often unreported phenomenon of animal mutilation. And Joey the Intern gets back at smokers with exploding cigarette butts. Plus, play live-action Pac Manhattan.

We've got a little channeling theme going on tonight. First, we talk to a woman who speaks with Nostradamus to predict the future. Then, we chat with Reverend Fred, a master light channeler, who speaks to a being from the Seventh Dimension for peace.

Inventor of the Immortality Rings Alex Chiu is going to be here to unveil his latest miraculous invention for the first time on television. Plus, our exclusive interview with Rory McTavish, the greatest Pong player who ever lived. And, catch another installment of Laura's Blog.

Martin, Laura and the ""Unscrewed"" Gang leave San Francisco for swank new digs in L.A. Cuddle Party organizers Reid Mihalko and Marcia Baczynski share a world where adults get together and explore affectionate touch and communication without it becoming sexualized. No, for reals. And Inventor Fred Bell stops by to chat about this friendships with Space Aliens. Plus, Joey the Intern teaches you to spoof Caller ID names to convince gullible inventors that you're a space alien.

Esteemed politician and ""Boobsville for Sorority Girls"" star Mary Carey decries the US Army's subsidy of breast enhancement for new recruits. Two kids explain why they broke a TV-watching record at IHOP. And Marty leads a sexual harassment training.

Cult deprogrammer Rick Ross helps Martin confront his fear of Lutherans. Conceptual artist Justin Gignac serves garbage under glass. And Laura tries to jump-start her Hollywood career.

Joe Matte exposes the joys of anatomical correctness with real dolls. The Yellow Bamboo Qi Gung Crew uses universal forces to injure innocent bystanders. Gary Coleman answers viewer questions and barely contains his hatred of humanity.

Philip Hoag shares his apocalyptic predictions. William Shatner, Jaimie Farr and countless other luminaries compete in Celebrity Paintball. Sexy vixens battle it out in a thrilling game of Search Sperts.

Singing hotdog man Charlie Marcuse kills us softly with his song... and nitrates. Corrine de Winter believes something highly unlikely about Purple Plates. Ed Meyer teaches us more efficient ways of slaughtering gophers. Our Girl Gone Wired enjoys nudity and sex.

Dr. Michael Salla discusses the political implications of the extraterrestrial presence, Joey the Intern tries out The Rodenator, a high-tech gopher eliminator, and Girls Gone Wired.

Privileged college teens who love hitting each other with phone books. Dr. Ava Cadell provides her sexpert opinion on developing sexual muscles. Plus, a UFO Expo!

Geologist Jim Berkland predicts the next big quake. Sexy Lindsey steps up to the Search Sperting cage.

Martin goes in search of the goat-sucking Chupacabra. A law professor bursts the pants open on the obesity myth. Girl Gone Wired Sarah Bowers makes America's teeth sweat.

Butter lady Norma Lyon turns dairy products into art. Martin hangs out with Champion Air-Guitarists.

Animal Telepath Raphaela Pope looks into the souls of gerbils and ferrets. Shalom Volchock gives our colons a nice thorough cleanings. Plus, a naked woman, without any clothes!

Camwhores compete in a thrilling round of SearchSperts. Dr. Louis Turi uses the stars to read our minds. Our Chatspiens interpret fetish website monologues.

Graphologist Cynthia Norris solves a murder through handwriting analysis. Erotic artist Marcie Briquette paints with her boobs. Documentary filmmaker and founder of The Free World Alliance Anthony J. Hilder presents some cutting-edge political views to help us sort our who we should vote for in the Presidential election. And, Martin takes a viewer call.

Martin chats with the true heir to the crown of St. Peter, Pope Michael. Linda Howe shares the latest evidence on crop circles in the U.S. Marty explores the magical world of jazz dance.

Author Rob Gelbsan asserts the end of the world is night, but non in the crazy-dude-on-the-sidewalk way. Marty fields tech calls from the audience, since Leo Laporte is too busy clubbing baby seals. Marty looks up old buddies on Classmates.com. And an exciting round of SearchSperts.

Marty chats with Dr. Roger Lier, an established medical doctor who removes alien implants from his patients. Plus, kick-ass karate and bitches get freaky on Girls Gone Wired.

Paul Forte communicates with the Universe. Martin and Laura chat with Ghost Hunters David Oester and Sharon Gill.

Graphologist Cynthia Norris solves a murder through handwriting analysis. Inventor Patrick Alphonso teaches Joey how to shave back hair. And Girl Gone Wired ""The Tall Goddess.""

Martin interview ""Trekkies"" director Roger Nygard. Ladies remove their clothing for another thrilling round of SearchSperts. Marty plays with himself.

Michael Horn tells ""the most important story in all human history""-- proof beyond a reasonable doubt of extraterrestrial contact. Sammy 4 U internet porn goddess offers the latest in technology news. Girl Gone Wired Ginger Jolie.

""Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus"" author John Gray shares the secrets of how to get gamers laid. Joey the Intern offers Dark Tips on how to pick a lock with a pen. And Girl Gone Wired Linda O'Neil.

Marty loses touch with morality after playing too much GTA. Bobbie Sue Luther, host of Junkyard Mega-Wars, talks about her love of cars. Plus, we chat with the star of Grand Theft Auto 3... that guy with the glasses. And, on Girls Gone Wired: The Girls of GTA.

Alexandra Robbins, New York Times bestselling author of Secrets of the Tomb, on Yale's secret society Skull & Bones. Plus Playing with Yourself and SearchSperts.

Dr. Clio Cresswell shares they mysterious connection between mathematics and sex. Chris Fehlinger exposes those who are both famous and famously cheap bastards with BitterWaitress.com. And Kevin Rose offers up some Dark Tips-- including how to make a Snoopy Snow Cone Machine into a Margarita Maker. Plus, GGW Veronika Zemanova struts her stuff.

Sadie Allison shows us how to 'tickle his pickle.' Eman Laerton, webmaster and head provocateur of YouHaveBadTasteInMusic.com, a site whose sole mission is to get people to stop listening to bad music. Plus, Playing With Yourself.

Reptoids.com Cryptozoologist John Rhodes has an alien theory that sounds a lot like the movie 'V.' Plus, Devirginizemarc.com and an exploration of Sex Election Websites. And, Girl Gone Wired Trigere Regine.

Blaire Allison of MarryBlaire.com searches for a perfect husband by speed dating the Unscrewed audience. Michael Tsarion of taroscope.com tells us about what corporate logos really man. Plus, Tech Around the Globe.

Martin talks to TheSmokingGun.com webmaster Andrew Goldberg about the damage Lenny Kravitz can do with a toilet. Joey the Intern shows us how to get back at a landlord after getting locked out in another edition of Who's Laughing Now. Our Girl Gone Wired, Karen Cogz, loves to wear bikinis.

Unscrewed has a very special tribute to Halo. The creators of Red vs. Blue are turning games into film. Marty chats with one of the Covenant Elite Guard. Plus, Girl Gone Wired Celeste Von is hot.

Orgasms can be yours at the push of a button with the new Orgasmatron Implant. Marty interviews Lee Rammage, the World Champion of Rock, Paper, Scissors. Girl Gone Wired Karla Denise is very, very pretty.

The Jimi Hendrix of ukulele Jake Shimabbukuro shows us his ten-finger stroke. Barker Beauty Gabrielle Tuite gestures at things. Laura becomes a pop star in another edition of her blog.

We've got the one guy creepier than Half-Life's G-Man... creepy magic dude Tom Cameron is here to use his creepy magic powers to almost kill people. Martin remembers the internet that has vanished. Girl Gone Wired Elizabeth Kelly has notable secondary sexual characteristics.

From BlackVault.com, John Greenewald, Jr. Plus, Mysteries of Science and Girl Gone Wired Kristen Muranga.

First, earthfiles.com webmistress Linda Howe shares the latest paranormal news. Then, Internet phenom and gemsweater goddess Leslie Hall of gemsweater.com shares the beautiful vista that is the gem surface and joins us for a fabulous fashion show. She shares from her collection of over 400 gem sweaters and performs the wildly popular track from her album that made her the only unsigned artist to be featured on beatgreets.com.